As Brent as I can be

I tried to get tickets for the David Brent gigs that Ricky Gervais did in October but it was impossible. Gervais then ran a competition to win tickets, in which entrants had to write an extra verse for one of Brent's songs and were encouraged to "be as Brent as you can be". I opted for "Life On The Road" which isn't featured in "The Office" but was on the recent "Learn Guitar with David Brent" tutorials on Youtube (which are excellent by the way). Here was my extra verse:

I went the extra mile of course by Brenting up and recording the verse, but I still didn't win. Stitch up!

Never mind, onwards and upwards, and just before Christmas I dressed up as David Brent again to perform with a couple of mates at the "Massive Arms" Office Christmas Party at Hackney Attic.  We did a stellar four song set in which we segued "Slough" into a snippet of "Every Breath You Take" which led seamlessly into "Free Love Freeway" followed by an encore of "If You Don't Know Me By Now" (the chorus x 4). It was quite something. I'm not really sure what that something was, but here is the only footage that exists from this once-in-a-lifetime performance - 1 minute and 39 seconds of "Free Love Freeway":

  

Sister I'm a Poet

The Morrissey reference in the title of this post is appropriate, for it was the quiffed one who inspired my clerihew published by The New Statesman back in December:

I was pretty pleased with it because I felt it told the story of The Smiths in only four lines. I never received my £5 book token though, so although now officially a published poet, I remain an unpaid one.

Being Paul Draper (my world exclusive for Louder Than War)

So, quite by accident - I managed, just before Christmas to secure an interview with Paul Draper, the lead singer and chief songwriter with Mansun, who were my favourite band when I was a teenager. It all came from a feature that I wrote for Louder Than War about a fan petition established to persuade Draper to release his mysterious solo album. This is an album that was recorded ten years ago, after Mansun split up, and was scheduled for release by EMI before Draper dramatically pulled the plug.

Well, things seem to be really happening in the world of Paul Draper right now. "The Anchoress", a project he has co-produced with the singer Catherine Anne Davies (and helped with some of the writing) has a debut single "What Goes Around" coming out in May on Too Pure Singles Club. And there is even talk of a solo release of some sort this year. It is likely to be a single to begin with but who knows? The release of "Spooky Action At A Distance", the title of Paul Draper's solo record as revealed exclusively to me, may not be as distant a prospect as fans once thought.

My Paul Draper articles for LTW can be read here, here and last but not least, HERE.

There is even going to be a Mansun convention in Chester over the summer, on Saturday 23rd August. I have been invited to speak about Mansun's "legacy" (pun intended, I think).  More to come on that.  

New Direction

My 8 year old niece, Emily, LOVES One Direction. I decided that it would be a fun project to cover their most famous song "What Makes You Beautiful" and send it to her as a present. To be fair, it's not a bad pop song - their version, if not mine. I recorded the guitar part acoustically and triple layered my vocals.  I then got my friend Andy to mock up some artwork for the CD that I made. He did a fantastic job in Photoshop, with the artwork being described by one of my mates as "horrible and great all at the same time". I think that counts as half a compliment!

Andy's great and if you're looking for some graphic design or web-based stuff, his website is here. Oh and if you want to sign me up for a six-album record deal, I'm available too!

 

(Don't Fall Into) The Mason's Arms

The welcome return of Liz McDonald behind the bar of the Rovers Return has got me thinking about Vernon Tomlin. Vernon was a great character, a bone idle potman, of which the Rovers has a rich tradition (see Jack Duckworth RIP). Vernon singing "(Don't Fall Into) The Mason's Arms" to a bemused Liz in the back of the pub has to be in my Top 10 Corrie scenes of all time.

I covered the song once. Check out my version below, with accompanying photo of me with Ian Reddington, the actor who played Vernon. I happened to bump into him at Glastonbury 2008. As Vernon would say, "fate decides".

When My Dad's Sixty-Four

My Dad, Rob Senior, turns sixty-four today (Saturday 12 February 2011). An avid Beatles fan from across the Mersey, he would have been twenty when they released "When I'm Sixty-Four". I bet the prospect of him turning sixty-four seemed unfathomable at the time, much like it would have for Paul McCartney when he wrote the song at the tender age of sixteen. Macca unleashed it from the archives years later and the Beatles recorded it for Sgt. Pepper, in homage to Paul’s Dad turning sixty-four the year before.

Me being me, I decided to assemble a Supergroup of friends to record a version of the song to mark my Dad turning sixty-four today.

I sourced some old photos and made a once-in-a-lifetime collectors’ item CD for him, which I presented on Thursday night over dinner. He seemed to like it. The original (if not this version!) is beautiful and is sung by a young man to his lover, detailing his plans of growing old with her. This theme was particularly fitting this year, as my Mum and Dad celebrated their Ruby Wedding Anniversary last month. And yes, my Mum still needs him and she certainly still feeds him.

I would like to thank Dom, Dunc and Mike for helping me record the song (the process was great fun and surprisingly smooth) and Dom, in particular, for mixing and producing the track. I’d also like to thank my Mum, Glen and my Uncle, John for providing photos for the artwork. Additionally, I must thank Rachael, for putting up with me whilst I completed the project (and in general). I like to think of it as the official song for my marathon effort this year. Check out the song, below:

If you fancy doing your bit for a great cause, then please please please sponsor me. All the details are available on my fundraising site. Think of it as a performance fee for the fantastic music you’ve just heard. Just don’t tell McCartney or he’ll be after royalties. And finally, I would like to wish my Old Man many happy returns for today; Happy Birthday, you old duffer.

The Corrie Chronicles

By popular demand (in my own head, at least), I’ve compiled a compendium in reverse chronological order of some of my Coronation Street Facebook updates. Jaci Stephens will be quaking in her boots, DON’T YOU WORRY ABOUT IT! So, you might as well sit down with a cup of tea and a couple of Gypsy creams (Deirdre style) and enjoy “The Corrie Chronicles”. Cancel the bath Ken; I’m going for a drink with Eileen.

6 September 2010

Ken Barlow - a "bookish, opinionated, sweet-toothed philanderer" with a head full of regrets, failures & broken dreams; who has always expressed his frustration at his sorry lot with such FORTHRIGHT ERUDITION. Yes Ken, it's true - TV dinners with a side order of resentment is all you've got to look forward to. And the greatest tragedy of all, is that deep down, you've known it all along.

16 July 2010

John "Spag Bol & Garlic Bread" Stape is a terrible role model for Chesney Battersby-Brown. Ches is a real success story, which can only be attributed to the fine guardianship provided by Uncle Les in the lad's formative years. With strong entrepreneurial skills & a future that clearly lies in knickers, it is only a matter of time before the gawky ginger steps in to bail out Carla and save Underworld.

2 July 2010

Graeme & Tina = the GREATEST love story in Corrie history.

19 June 2010

Nick Tilsley is growing on me. He is a businessman, first and foremost, but also a lothario and born achiever. He doesn't let his traumatic upbringing or personal dramas distract him from his determination to succeed, even if he does "have the kind of face that's begging to be smacked" (Peter Barlow).

10 June 2010

Trevor the Binman is a classic bloke - he likes birds, beer, bacon butties, chips & football (Grrrr) but he'll never be half the man Roy Cropper is. The nation's favourite cafe owner was first on the scene to comfort his love from the factory flames, whilst Trev was presumably boozing down the Weathie Arms. Roy's collection of jumpers is a joy to behold, while he also does a great line in calming teas.

27 May 2010

"It has been suggested that Roy Cropper has Asperger syndrome, due to his obsessive compulsive tendencies & because of his literal interpretations & miscomprehension of nuances and subtleties, though this has never been officially confirmed on-screen. Described as 'remarkably intelligent, but socially naïve', the character is a fan of buses and trains". THE NUMBER 59 BUS IS FAMOUSLY UNRELIABLE!

4 May 2010

Camera focuses on half completed crossword, soundtracked by Gounod. It can only be Ken Barlow. Cue key in door & trivial talk between Deirdre & Liz about burgers. It's a NO ALTON TOWERS marriage, granted but I'd refer you to Mike Baldwin's 60th & the pain in Ken's eyes as Deirdre flirted with the erstwhile cockney factory owner. "You're finished Barlow, Deirdre loves me", Baldwin croaked as he died in his enemy's arms.

19 March 2010

The muted exit of Kelly "I'm your best machinist" Crabtree from The Street tonight was actually quite moving. We all want more Kel, WE ALL WANT MORE.

27 January 2010

My study of the dietary habits of Coronation Street characters & the metaphors for their lives contained therein has revealed that Tyrone "do I look like a vegetarian?" Dobbs is a CHOPS man, whereas Gail has a more refined palate, favouring as she does, lasagne. Poor Ken is a moussaka man at heart but his NO ALTON TOWERS marriage to Deirdre has forced him to make do with Mini Kievs on an every-other-nightly basis.

20 January 2010

Heartbreaking scenes in the Dobbs & Webster households this week. Tyrone shouldn't take fat jibes from Molly, given her previous penchant for stuffing her Dad's cream cakes down her gob. Let's hope Sophie's prayers work, if only so that Bill has to honour his grandiose promise of fish & chips & a couple of bottles of bubbly in front of the telly. If that doesn't give Sally the strength to pull though, NOTHING will.

11 January 2010

Essentially, Gail McIntyre (née Potter, Tilsley, Platt, Hillman, Platt)'s downfall has always been her boundless capacity to love. It has not helped of course, that she has a terrible grasp of the skills required for sound character judgement, coupled with an alarming inability to learn from her MANY mistakes. It'll all end in tears, Gail but like the perennially put-upon poodle, you will always come back for more.

8 January 2010

I enjoyed Grandad George's character assassination of Ken "SAME HOUSE, SAME STREET, SAME DEAD END" Barlow but support Ken in his suspicions. It was nice to see the complex philanderer enjoying a good, honest working class tea of fish fingers, chips & peas - mini Kievs obviously weren't on offer at Freshco's this week.

7 January 2010

It's not all doom & gloom; there's always the impending marriage of Gail "I've driven every man I've ever loved to infidelity, madness or murder" Platt & Joe "I'm already a bit unstable, addicted as I am to painkillers, sweating & crying" McIntyre to look forward to. GAIL FORCE.

2 December 2009

Current TOP 5 CORRIE CHARACTERS = 1) Blanche (a posthumous but thoroughly deserved honour), 2) Peter (V-necked black tee tonight, as if straight out of my own wardrobe), 3) Graeme (as Liz says, "e's proper weird, im"), 4) Claire (this week has been the first time I have EVER been able to stand her), 5) John (following his sensational cross-examination of Rosie Webster).

2 December 2009

Gutted about Maggie Jones (RIP Blanche), who probably provided the best laughs per line ratio in Corrie's magnificent history. YOU WILL BE SORELY MISSED :-(

1 December 2009

I am starting to sympathise with "borderline Feminist" Molly Dobbs – what century is Ty living in, expecting his pants to be washed & his tea to be on t’table? Lily Allen’s "22" was great but bettered by "I Started Something I Couldn't Finish" in the Rovers. With John buttering bread at Roy’s, it’s turning into a lank-haired academics’ tea-party behind that counter. All we need is for Ken to return - what an INTELLECTUAL TRIUMVIRATE that would be!

25 November 2009

If Kevin is fiddling the books of the garage to fund his sordid hotel romps with Molly, then effectively, Tyrone is paying for his business partner (& best mate) to have sex with his wife. Why does Freda sign when talking to Audrey, Platty & Nozzer, all of whom are of sound hearing? It's not nice seeing Roy in a bad way but he'll leave the flat when he is GOOD AND READY.

19 October 2009

It was a week for heartless bitches in Corrie: Liz McD calling Teresa a "slapper" = POT. KETTLE. BLACK and Molly's rebuttal of Tyrone's Spag Bol = NOT ON. I never liked him but it was a dignified exit for Uncle Umed.

22 September 2009

Good Corrie, with a great tête-à-tête between Rosie & Sophie, the former every bit as vacuous as the latter is virtuous; risqué slapstick from Ty; soul-searching from Emily (WONDERFUL Ambassador for Christianity); and Fizz shows that nothing can get in the way of TRUE LOVE - not even Prison Walls or an Angry Chesney.

14 August 2009

Corrie Catch-up Roundup: Graeme is justifying his position in the Top 5 Characters' List (following some fabulous interplay with Blanche); the Windass's are growing on me despite their sinister attempts to mould Chesney into a Gary replacement; classic scenes of despair from Gail "I'm Left To Pick Up The Pieces" Platt; & Joe's breakdown soundtracked by "Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want" = EPIC CORRIE!

6 May 2009

The exchanges between Ken and Peter & Blanche and Deirdre have been absolutely PRICELESS of late... "you know where you are with bananas", "are frozen chicken kievs alright, Ken?", "you can come upstairs and scrub my back if you like".

5 May 2009

‎Classic Roy: "Pricking sausages seems less arduous when debating the greater issues of the day".

4 May 2009

Poor conflicted Ken; a comfortable pair of old slippers or an exotic pair of new brogues?

11 December 2008

“In many ways Ronnie O'Sullivan isn't cut out for snooker; it's his personality coupled with the pressures of the modern game” (Tyrone).